Kristine’s No Good Very Bad Day

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I am not having a very good day. Yes, it’s still early, but it’s impressive I have even made it this far. A long time ago I read somewhere (via Brené Brown maybe?) that it takes guts to show up for your life. Courage, this person declared, is required to show up every day, no matter what happens, and be the best person one can be. In my opinion, this is truer for me today than it ever has been before.

To make matters worse, my favourite necklace just broke. The chain snapped right in my hand after tugging on it for the twenty-six-thousandth time.

Because I am feeling like a total cranky-pants (yes, I started a sentence with because – I know it’s wrong and I don’t care) I thought I would share with you some of my favourite dog jokes.

Realizing that humour is often subjective, I am going to warn you that my taste isn’t always very high-brow. My love for kids jokes is infamous throughout the land and over the raging sea. I know I’ve said in the past how I am not a fan of puns, but when done right, as in a silly little joke told by a five-year old, they can crack me up like nothing else. The more silly the punchline the better. I especially enjoy it if the joke makes no sense at all, or isn’t even really a joke. 

For example:

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A: Where’s my tractor.

Bwahahahahaha!

Ahem. Maybe you had to be there.

On with the dog jokes!

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?
A: Because no one else will do it for them!

Man to dog trainer: Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner.
Dog trainer: That’s okay, he is a Boxer.

Q: When is a brown dog not a brown dog?
A: When it is a greyhound!

Q: What do you do if a dog swallows your pen?
A: Use a pencil instead!

Q: What kind of dog can jump as high as a building?
A: Any kind! A building can’t jump!

Okay, okay, I’ll stop torturing you. If anyone has any better jokes, please share them in the comments!

32 thoughts on “Kristine’s No Good Very Bad Day

  1. Hah, “Where’s my tractor?”

    That’s like, in a game once, somebody asked me “what’s that shovel made out of, anyway?” and I looked at them and said “Shovel”.

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  2. Not a dog joke, but an all time favorite of mine to make the audience groan.

    Q: What do you call it when a single file line of hares all take a step back at the same time?
    A: A receding hare (hair) line!

    Don’t worry, I have worse jokes, but I won’t torture you with them!

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  3. I’m so sorry it’s a bad day. Can you go back to bed and cuddle with Shiva until it’s over?

    Here’s my favorite dumb dog joke:

    As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.

    “Well,” said the woman, “I guess I’d like to be rich.”
    POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.

    “And I wouldn’t mind being a young and beautiful princess.”
    POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.

    “Your third wish?” asked the Fairy Godmother. “Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?”
    POOF: There, in front stood the most handsome young man anyone had ever seen. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.

    As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, “I bet you are sorry you had me neutered.”

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    • Oh and by the way I was telling people that tractor joke all day and everyone was looking at me like I was crazy. *sigh* clearly those people just didn’t get me. looking at all the comments of people laughing over that joke makes me feel better- obviously those people just don’t have the awesome sense of humor that we in the dog blogging community have :)

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  4. I’m really sorry that you are having a bad day, I certainly hope it gets better.

    I don’t have a favorite dog joke that is immediately popping into my mind, but I will treat (get it) you with my favorite dog philosphy (that’s if a dog could tell you its philosphy of course!) any way, “If you can’t eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away.”

    And by the way, the farmer joke made me laugh out loud!

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  5. Thanks for the giggle. I hope things got better as the day went on, and I’m sorry that I don’t have a joke to contribute. One thing that everyone throughout the land knows about me is that I can’t remember a joke to save my life!

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  6. First of all, one particularly brilliant English teacher of mine used to say that you could begin a sentence with ‘because’, as along as the rest of the sentence still represented a complete thought. For example, “I thought I would share with you some of my favourite dog jokes” is an acceptable sentence, therefore, you have used the subordinate clause correctly. I’m kind of a grammar nerd. (LOL, though you would never know it to read my blog due to my fine typing skills.)

    Second, bring on the really bad jokes.

    Q. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
    A. They taste funny.

    That one cracks me up every single time.

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  7. Hi Kristine, my dad’s had many days that remind him of the cartoon you have on the top of your post. But he’s still here. Better times and days are ahead. You’ll see. Sorry no jokes.

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  8. I hope your day picks up! I was in your shoes the other day, and it took some off-leash play with the pups to pull me out of the funk.

    This one always gives me a chuckle:

    How many dogs does it take to put in a light bulb?

    Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

    Border Collie: Just one. And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

    Dachshund: I can’t reach the stupid lamp!

    Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

    Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

    Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .

    Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

    Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

    Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

    Doberman Pinscher: While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the couch.

    Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

    Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

    Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I’ve got a hangover.

    Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there…

    Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

    Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

    Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

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  9. Since I’m reading this late in the day, I hope your day has gotten better. I had a “cranky-pants” kind of day, too. So to make you smile, I’ll tell you my best pirate joke.

    What’s a Pirate’s favorite car?

    Fer-ARRRRR-ri!!

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    • I definitely get it! As someone else mentioned above, it’s so funny because it’s not funny at all. Hehehehehe.

      Thanks for sharing! Maybe I’m just twisted?

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  10. I’m so bad at jokes. I can’t remember a single one. I hope your day got better and that you’ve got a lovely weekend to look forward to. Pamela’s joke is A1! BOL. Thanks for the laughs everyone.

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  11. these. were. awesome! i looooooove puns in a way that’s not at all normal. it’s embarrassing to say the least. i also love really bad jokes like these, even when they’re not exactly puns. like this knee-slapper right here…

    two muffins are sitting in an oven baking. the first muffin looks at the other muffin and says, “man, is it hot in here or what?” the second muffin looks back at the first and screams in horror, “OH MY GOD, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!”

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