Rescued Insanity Goes Caroldy

002It doesn’t happen very often. Take a second to enjoy a puppy kiss and you’ll miss it. But once a holiday season, maybe once every other,  I will get swept up in the egg nog and the Charlie Brown and the glitter and attempt to re-write a favourite seasonal tune with a canine twist. Now, to say my skills at the parody are limited would be a giant understatement. The declared Queen of Caroldies will always be I Still Want More Puppies. Have you seen her latest? So cute, so appropriate. Anything I attempt looks amateurish in comparison to the master.

But I can’t resist the lure. Every year one song in particular gets lodged in my brain. It isn’t a good song. It isn’t even a good Christmas song. But it is played on the radio ad infinitum and I find myself involuntarily singing it in the shower every morning. It drives everyone around me insane. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with this spectre of a song is to re-work it doggy style.

002So here it is, “Last Christmas”, originally recorded by Wham! – the only true version – and written by George Michael. May my shower belting be less mind-numbing from here on in:

(If it’s too painful for you, I understand if you need to click away.)

Last Christmas
I gave you a toy
But the very next minute, you tore out its guts
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a broken shoe box

Last Christmas
I gave you a blanket
But I turned around and it was peed on
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a chewed up tree branch

Bankrupt and out of joy
I try to find
Something you won’t destroy
Tell me dog
Must you wreck everything?
Well
If it’s been a year
My wallet still feels the sting
“Merry Christmas”
I wrapped your gift and placed it
Cautiously under the tree
It was hard
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you give me those eyes
I know you’ll trick me again

Last Christmas
I gave you a bully stick
But within three seconds you’d swallowed it whole
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you some stale dog food

Last Christmas
I gave you a ball
But all you played was keep away
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a dirty sock

What do you think? Should I make my own music video? It’s bound to go viral, I am sure.

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12 Comments on Rescued Insanity Goes Caroldy

  1. Sue
    December 9, 2013 at 1:23 pm (5 months ago)

    Better version than the original:)

    Reply
  2. Callie, Shadow, and Ducky's Mom
    December 9, 2013 at 9:02 pm (5 months ago)

    I’m still laughing! Your version is SOOOO MUCH BETTER than the original! I want to see the video, for sure! Even if you truly can’t sing, your version is still guaranteed to be better than the original cuz WHAM can’t sing either! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go find my Andy Williams’ Christmas Album and play it so I can get your song out of my head! :-)
    Callie, Shadow, and Ducky’s Mom recently posted..LOVE IS GOLDENMy Profile

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  3. Jessica
    December 10, 2013 at 12:42 am (5 months ago)

    Hilarious! You’ll have a hard time topping this one next year.
    Jessica recently posted..Day One: Start NowMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Blueberry's human
    December 10, 2013 at 3:48 am (5 months ago)

    I enjoy belting out this tune as well. I kinda like it – how sick is that?

    Your version is funny! Jet’s gotta a good idea – I’d like to see that too!
    Blueberry’s human recently posted..Dog Clothes – Pro or ConMy Profile

    Reply
  5. Jodi
    December 12, 2013 at 8:15 pm (4 months ago)

    I don’t know the tune so I can’t sing it and truthfully I’m kind of glad because I already have too many ear worms squiggling about in my head. LOL

    Great job Kristine you will give AJ a run for the money!
    Jodi recently posted..Sampson is Home and Advent Calendar for Dog Lovers Day 12My Profile

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