I’ve done a lot of talking around here in the past year. A lot of babbling. Only a tiny fraction of it is probably at all worthwhile. It’s okay. I didn’t start this blog to do anything important. I didn’t start this ever expecting others to read it. From the very beginning it was supposed to be a little silly.
Somehow I have found myself researching more serious subjects as I engage deeper with the animal world. I didn’t expect my dorky little hobby to cause me to start questioning previously held values. I am hesitant to bring anything up here. Not because I am afraid of controversy but because I am still learning. I am still unsure where I stand on many issues. I don’t want to say something in such a public space, if two months later I am going to believe the exact opposite. There are numerous books on my reading list as I try to piece it all together.
I almost didn’t post anything for Blog the Change last week. There are a lot of new things going on in my brain and at this point I am not sure I have anything of value to contribute. It’s very messy in this head of mine. Even now it has taken me over twenty minutes to type this much. I am trying to be very careful to articulate exactly what I feel instead of just shooting my mouth off without thinking, as I tend to do. There are enough people making blanket judgments with little knowledge. The world doesn’t need me adding to the flames.
I’ve always believed strongly in keeping an open mind. Every issue can have over twenty different perspectives. Since I am very new to animal welfare, I feel like I need to pay attention to every side of the box. Test the corners, see which one holds up against the elements. Often, I don’t know if there even is one right way to think or one better opinion. They all come from a valid space. But there is one opinion that works best for me. Unfortunately, I still haven’t found it.
The problem is, while I am discovering all this new information, I want to share what I am learning. Talking usually helps work out all the jumbled thoughts. I don’t know if this space is the right medium for that. That doesn’t mean I don’t think it is important to talk. I think most people need to speak up more, not less. But for me, right now, I feel like I need to do a lot more listening.
I wish I was able to feel as confident in my stance as many other blog writers. They all seem to know exactly what to say and what questions to ask. I feel like a little kid sometimes in comparison. It wasn’t too long ago I trusted absolutely everything I read one hundred percent. The written word was everything. For some bizarre reason, if something was published on a piece of paper, I thought it had to be true. Law. Set in stone. Now I find myself questioning everything. Even things that used to seem so basic. Scientists, politicians, statistics, psychologists, none of them are free from my scrutiny. These days I just don’t know what is right. My skepticism knows no bounds.
Am I completely alone in feeling so confused? Does anyone else feel as lost as I do when confronted with mind-boggling new information?