Lately I’ve been feeling a bit down. I’m not saying this to elicit sympathy, but there are a lot of things on my mind and I may as well talk about it here. I’ve shared pretty much everything else!
My self-esteem has taken a few hits in the last couple weeks. I’m pretty good at shaking stuff like that off but the combination of stress, worry, and sleepless nights isn’t helping me in the fight. Things are fine, at least I think they are fine, so I am not complaining. The problem centres around me. Sometimes I deal really well with pressure and sometimes I let the little things build until I just want to run away from it all. Unfortunately, I think this time I am leaning toward the latter.
Shiva helps to give me some perspective. With her, everything is simple. She wakes up, goes for a run in the forest, eats her breakfast, and then settles in for a nap on the chair. Even when things don’t go her way, when she can’t sniff a fire hydrant as long as she’d like or gobble down a chunk of mud before I take it away from her, after the moment is over she has already moved on to the next thing. Shiva doesn’t let anything keep her down. And it’s reassuring to know that no matter how much I fail, she will always be by my side.
It’s wonderful to have someone in my life with absolutely no expectations.
It is also time to admit I am not as healthy as I should be. I’m not talking about weight. Long ago I threw away the bathroom scale. I don’t believe in losing weight for the sake of losing weight. (A brief stint in the diet industry was enough to prove to me how misleading the obesity myth is.) While I certainly don’t judge anyone else for under-taking a weight loss program, that line of thinking is so dangerous for me and I refuse to ever think about it again. What I am talking about is my health in general. I don’t feel as strong and energetic as I should for someone my age. It doesn’t help that I eat like a teenage boy.
I don’t know how to fix this problem. Other than eating more fruits and vegetables, I don’t have a whole lot of time for more exercise. I already wake up at five-thirty every morning to walk the dog. I can’t see forcing myself out of bed any earlier. With work, the website, walking Shiva, training Shiva, and trying to spend time with my husband, I don’t see how I could fit in a visit to the gym. Not only that but I leave the puppy alone long enough as it is, I can’t justify leaving her again at night, no matter what the reason.
Blargh. Perhaps I just need to wait it out and hope these feelings pass. I will try to spend more time outside and maybe check in with that life list of mine. Eventually I know I will feel inspired again. As the cheesy phrase goes, everything is always okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.