The following article is a guest post written by my PH. I injured my ankle last week (more on that another time) and he has been helping out with evening dog-walking duties. As a result, he has recently encountered one of my biggest annoyances: litter in the park. Litter that our lovely dog views as her own personal buffet. This is his rant. You have been warned. (Photographs and italics are mine.)
I suppose I should begin with an introduction. Most of you will know me as the PH, but some of you will know me by other, often less flattering, names. For your entertainment pleasure today I bring you the first in a long line of rants about dog-related things that really bug me. I was recruited for this for two reasons:
1- My recurring rage against humanity and…
2- Kristine is far too nice to rail against the things that bother her*, so I am the voice of both of us. (Note: Kristine does not necessarily endorse the views represented by her guest poster).
With that in mind, let us establish a couple ground rules. When I rant I often cannot control the colour of the language used. Because of this, and the fact that this is contrary to the general feel of this blog, please refer to the following guide:
4 letter word that starts with F = will be replaced by the word pork
4 letter word that starts with S = will be replaced by the word piston
7 letter word that starts with A and ends in HOLE = will be replaced by the word fisherman
All variations of the above mentioned rules with be used (eg. porking, pistonhead, etc.)
With my variables defined, let us begin.
Scene: On leash human area
As you know, there is an on leash dog area in a little forest not far from our home that we often use for walking the Pupinator (I will refrain from further cute pet names from here on in, I just had to get that out). As a responsible dog owner, I rarely let her run free on the pathway. Rather I leave her on leash until we get to an isolated back section of the park. I do this out of courtesy for other dog owners who may be struggling with reactivity and for the locals who use this picturesque setting to engage in recreational fishing or strolling.
I like to fish myself, and love showing up to a lake or river when the sun is rising and the fog is lifting off the water’s surface. This is just slightly (cue sarcasm) ruined by the pile of porking trash left by the previous fisher. Just last night one stop in particular was riddled with two full grocery bags of garbage, no less than five disposable drink cups, and various other piston that people leave behind.
Two points on this.
1- Good on fishermen (remember the definition) who have the foresight to bring a bag for their inevitable waste. But my questions is: if you go through the trouble to bring a garbage bag to fill with waste, WHY THE PORK CAN YOU NOT TAKING YOUR PORKING BAG OF PORKING GARBAGE WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE?
2- What the pork is wrong with a fisherman who goes fishing, knowing full well (based on the last 80 times they went porking fishing) that they are going to generate waste, and do not bring a porking way of bringing it back out with them?
Now that I have identified my issues with fishermen, I will get on with my glorious afterthought. On average the park by the lake to which I refer is even less frequented as the local off leash dog park. Despite this, the dog park is always in immaculate condition, free of litter and cared for by all who use it. Birdhouses are built, benches are donated, and plaques are hung in memory of beloved pets.
I think you are able to see where I am going with this, but indulge my righteous outrage. The muggles** of the world (or whatever it is that you call them in this dog blog scene) seem to have a hate-on for dogs and all their “wicked” and “unclean” ways. It seems to me that the real porking problem is the jack-fishers that cannot be bothered to even walk their porking garbage 30 porking metres to the garbage can. I do not know if this is a fundamental error in their wiring, but I am sure I can come up with something for a future rant.
So now we are left with two options on how to deal with the current situation. I will use number bullet points for this again because I like numbers and because I can.
1- Make all green spaces in every city off leash, upon approval of local dog owners. This way the dog owners will take pride in something that is theirs and keep it clean. It will also allow them to impose rules upon fishermen that will either force them to conform or see them banned.
2- Expand the definitions of “on leash” to include all fishermen. This will require them to be with a guardian at all times who will hopefully shame them into complying with social norms and environmental common sense. If not, there are always shock collars.
Does your city have a similar littering problem?
*Really? Clearly someone doesn’t read this blog very often.
**Please excuse the gratuitous Harry Potter reference. At least, I think it’s Harry Potter – I could be thinking of something else. I haven’t read the books so I am fairly clueless on that scale.