Dear Fifty Year Old Me

For the third year in a row, I’ve decided to try my hand at NaBloPoMo. It just wouldn’t feel like November without the added pressure to come up with something to write every day for thirty days. Today’s post was inspired by a prompt I found on The Daily Post. Part one can be found here.

Dear Fifty-Year-Old Kristine,

It’s hard to know what to say to someone who doesn’t exist. Hopefully you will in twenty years but for the time being you are just a haze in my imagination. I don’t know you at all, though you probably know me better than I know myself.

There are a lot of questions I wish I could ask. Do I still live in Halifax? Where do I work? Do I ever actually marry my PH? How many dogs do I have? Have I achieved any of my goals? Considering I don’t really have any goals for the future, at least no concrete ones, this is a difficult question to answer. Maybe we should stick to more pressing concerns like whether or not I ever get up the courage to cut my hair. Or if I ever find that perfect pair of jeans. Does Shiva ever earn a title? Do I ever adopt a goat?

I guess I don’t really want to know anyway. Knowing the future, even if it’s fantastic, would probably do very little for my motivation. As you know, I can be pretty dang lazy.

I hope you don’t hold that against me. No doubt there are many things you wish you had done when you were younger. Please don’t regret too much. I am trying. Honest! It’s just so hard sometimes. Maybe I let myself go a too much, perhaps I get a little complacent but I am doing the best I can. I hope you remember that and are forgiving as you look back on this period of your life.

No, I am not perfect. Neither are you. This is totally okay. I hope you are more aware of this than I am. I hope you have overcome a lot of my inhibitions and are more comfortable with who you are. I especially hope you have gotten over all my body-related issues. That would be nice.

Don’t roll your eyes at me. I know when I am you I will wish I had the body of me. Isn’t that how it always goes?

Twenty years is a long time and yet I know it will pass faster than I’d like it to. I am sure nothing is the same for you. When I think of twenty years in the past, when I was ten years old, I can’t help but think about how much the world and my life has changed since then. Man, I am grateful I am not ten anymore. Are you grateful you aren’t thirty?

I bet you miss Shiva like crazy. I’m taking care of her, so don’t worry. We’ll make some good memories for you.

For the most part, I just hope you are happy enough. You are much smarter than I am so you don’t need to hear any advice from me. Just know that I am sorry for anything I don’t do that you wish I would have. I wish I would have too.

Also? No matter what has happened or where you are, know that I am proud of you.

Your old chum,

Kristine

17 thoughts on “Dear Fifty Year Old Me

  1. I’m doing NaNoWriMo and it is RIDICULOUSLY HARD. I hadn’t heard of NaNoBlogMo until you posted about it, and now I want to do it toooooo!

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    • I don’t know why I feel I need to do it every year. I wasn’t going to until the last minute, when it just felt wrong that I wasn’t. What is it about November that makes us join crazy writing meme?

      Good luck with the novel! I admire anyone who tries such a venture!

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  2. This is THE BEST! It made me a little sad because everything you say is true, especially the “wishing for the body” bit 😉 I think you forgot to ask after her hot flushes and mood swings! I hope she won’t hold that against you.

    You’re so going to enjoy reading this 20 years from now, Ms T! Please give Shiva a mighty hug for me. Thinking 20 years ahead for a dog is not a happy thing X

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    • Hopefully this website will still exist in some form in 20 years so that I can read it. If not, it will just disappear into the bowels of cyberspace with everything else. It makes me wish I was better at journal-keeping. Alas.

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    • I don’t know about insightful but I am glad you enjoyed reading! In so many ways I feel so much older than 30 and in others so much younger. From what I understand, this is normal. As my favourite Margaret Atwood quote says: “Another belief of mine; that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.” I still feel that way, and wonder if I always will.

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  3. Wow Kristine, tears in my eyes. You are so insightful I would have never thought to ask myself any of those questions at 30 years old. I shudder to think of my 72 year old self. LOL

    Writing every day is difficult but once you get used to it, it’s not so bad. Good luck with your writing challenge!

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  4. I resonate with your response to Caren above. I feel the same way. Most of the time it seems so bizarre that I am chronologically an adult….but as you say, maybe everyone feels that way. It is comforting to hear that.

    You’ll really enjoy looking back on this someday, and I believe that when we show ourselves compassion it is one of the best things we can do to ensure that we do reach old age!

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