Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day, Featuring The Cat

Today, apparently, was declared National Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day. I am still trying to figure out whose idea this was. Clearly not someone who actually lives with a cat. Everyone who lives with a feline knows one of their best characteristics is their silence. After their soft little paws, of course. No one who knows cats wants to hear their disdainful diatribes. Just because we love them for who they are, doesn’t mean we really want to know just how little they think of us.

But! It is the day for it and who am I to question a randomly assigned, totally arbitrary, completely meaningless holiday? If my cat has questions to ask me, I’d better get to answering them!

007The Cat: Indeed. Bow down to me, pathetic human.

Me: Yeah, yeah. Let’s get this over with. What do you want to know?

T.C.: Why are you the owner while I – a far superior creature – am merely “the pet”?

Me: Because you aren’t capable of opening the food bag. Next question.

T.C.: Fine. Why can’t I go outside whenever I want and then come back in whenever I want?

Me: Because we can’t leave the door open twenty-four hours a day, just for you. Unless you are going to start paying for heating oil. Also, the dog would get out.

T.C.: Why does it matter if the dog gets out?

Me: If the dog gets out she’ll run around the neighbourhood and potentially get hit by a car!

T.C.: Point being?

Me: Next question!

T.C.: Why did you get me a fish tank, fill it with fish, and then put a lid on it so I can’t actually reach said fish?

Me: We didn’t get you a fish tank. The aquarium is for us to enjoy. The fish are also our pets.

T.C.: So… The fish and I are equals? Is that what you are saying?

Me: No. Not exactly. We haven’t named the fish. And they are really more of a hobby…

T.C.: What’s a hobby? Can I have a fish hobby?

Me: Um…

T.C.: Cool. So, when are you going to buy me a fish? Or should I just take one of yours?

Me: No fish! I really think we have gotten off topic here.

T.C.: You are answering my questions. My questions is, can I have a fish?

Me: No! Next question!

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T.C.: Why do you keep touching my feet?

Me: Because they are so cute and soft and cute! You have the most adorable little kitty paws in the world! Eee!

T.C.: Adorable enough to get me a fish?

Me: Ugh. No! I think we’re done here.

T.C.: We’re done when I say we’re done. Why can’t I have a fish?

Me: Because we secretly hate you. Interview over!

T.C.: I knew it!

Sorry about that… I should have known it would be a massive failure. For a much more entertaining example with 100% less ichthyocide, check out the video below. If your cat could ask you one question, what do you think it would be?

21 thoughts on “Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day, Featuring The Cat

  1. Mittens would ask why she isn’t allowed outside by herself. Answer: She is seriously lacking smarts and would probably get lost/eaten by a dog/hit by a car. Frou would ask why we kept Mittens. Answer: she had nowhere else to go and she’s prettier than you anyway.

    I don’t play favorites with the kitties, but 99% of people think Mittens is cuter and more visually appealing. Until they try to pat her and she runs away. On appearance alone, Mittens wins every time. Frou then comes and snuggles them, and she wins.

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  2. What a funny post! Loved it!
    Our cat Gerrard would probably ask what the point is of having a pack of dogs and also ask why he doesn’t get more than three cat treats a day.

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  3. LOL!

    My cat knows everything, but I would like for her to explain to me why she will occasionally look over my head with an expression of horror on her face. Does she see into another dimension or is she just messing with me?

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  4. I don’t understand why he can’t have a fish, either! 😛

    That video cracked me up, especially the part about the card!

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  5. The Cat is very sarcastic … I like it. I know it’s not what he has in mind, but maybe you could find him a plush fish toy and soak it in some water from the aquarium. Of course, if you go to all that trouble he’ll probably ignore it completely.

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  6. Had a good laugh at the video. The second cat was hilarious.

    Think the bottom line for you is to finally come to terms with the fact that in the Contract of Employment you must have signed when you got your cat, it does state that you are to be at it’s beck and call:)

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  7. LOL Your cat is just as funny as you are! Speaking of fish, my friend has a cat and a bowl of fish. The cat jumps up onto the table and drinks out of the fish bowl. She does this despite water bowls of her own. And both the cat and the fish seem to be okay with the arrangement. I would love to ask that cat a few questions!

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  8. LOL I loved the cat’s questions, they were right on target for what I would expect from a cat.

    We had a cat (our daughter’s) but he went home with her, he probably would have asked me why I don’t take him out for walks like I do the dogs. Silly cat, the answer is obvious, he can’t come when I call him in the house, why would I take him out?

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  9. Heehee. Love it. We don’t have a cat, so I’ve got no questions to share. Cats, to me, always look like they have no questions. They look like they think they have ALL the answers!

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  10. I LOVED this post. You had me cracking up through the whole thing. Using ichthyocide in a sentence? I think you just won the internet. (And should probably check out Little Dogs Long Leashes recent post for some appreciation.)

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