1. You are deaf.
2. You are moving across the country for the second time and the last time your cat’s screeching during the drive nearly caused you to be arrested for animal cruelty.
3. Your practically husband threatened to put the cat in the box of the truck if he had to endure another five-day road trip with His Yowliness.
4. You have a pet blog and think it would be a fun experience to write about.
5. You are insane.
6. Your cat already spends his days plotting your death and may as well have one more reason to hate you.
7. You are seeking revenge on your cat for chewing the cord of your $300 flat-iron.
8. Your cat is deaf and/or dead and/or actually a stuffed animal.
9. You want to discover if the pitch of your cat’s cries is louder than that of a newborn baby.
10. You have a loving relationship with your cat and he or she travels well, ie. you live in a magical fantasy land, ie. your veterinarian is kind enough to give you drugs.
Top Ten Reasons Not to Bring Your Cat With You on an Airplane
1. You have healthy hearing abilities.
2. You are moving across the country for the first time and naïvely think your cat will do well on a road trip for five days even though he despises the car and even though you have never leash or kennel trained him before.
3. Your cat’s yowls are easily drowned out by the radio.
4. You decide to put your cat’s comfort first and turn down the job promotion.
5. You haven’t lost your mind.
6. You are pretty sure the pilot will make an emergency landing just to get away from your cat’s screeching.
7. You have a loving relationship with your cat and have spent many years training him so he travels well in the car, ie. you are a far better person than I am.
8. Your cat has healthy hearing abilities and/or is alive and/or is not a stuffed animal.
9. Your veterinarian only gives you a small cloth soaked in feline hormones, an item which is essentially useless when your cat is already stressed from being shoved into a bag, hauled out of said bag when going through security, and then shoved back in for six hours straight without being able to empty his bladder.
10. You are smart and decide to ship him cargo.