Once again, it is National Slobber Appreciation Day. And, once again, Shiva is slobberless.
It is not from lack of effort! I coached her all year for just this moment. We looked at all the pictures from last year’s big event. She received tips from the pros at the dog park. We even set up play dates with her slobberiest pal, Jenna the Bernese Mountain Dog, hoping her skills would rub off.
She learned what to do, practiced for five whole minutes every day. This year, Shiva vowed, she would be champion of the droolers.
Alas, when it came time to show her stuff for the cameras, her mouth dried up. I don’t know if it was stage fright or if she needed to drink more water but upon even the closest examination, there is no slobber to be found on her whiskered chin. Just pristine fur and a bit of kibble dust. It’s so embarrassing. And she calls herself a dog.
There is no point being hard on her. Shiva is the most disappointed of all.
But know this. Just because Shiva can’t slobber under pressure doesn’t mean she is one of those Anti-Slobber Activists. The idea of forcing a poor soul to wear one of those evil drool-catching contraptions makes her ears flatten against her skull. Her tail tucks just imagining the humiliation these dogs experience on a daily basis. There is nothing unnatural about saliva. It should be celebrated as a healthy bodily function! Not moaned over as a hideous side effect of dogginess.
At one time or another Shiva firmly believes that everybody drools. Dogs, humans, even cats – though the latter would never admit it. Good, innocent dogs shouldn’t be punished for something that is beyond their control. Shiva desperately wants to protect a dog’s right to drool, regardless of the length and goopiness. Some of her best friends have been hard core droolers! What’s a little globber between friends, right? So despite her failure to come up with any liquid worthy of showing off, Shiva stands stall with her goobery pals on this important day.
If you are a dog and you slobber, flaunt it for all to see. And if you are a human and you do the same, well, Shiva wants you to wear your drool proud. Today you don’t have to hide or make excuses. Today is the day you can own that slobber! Show the world how almost-beautiful a pool of saliva can really be!
Slobber Lovers of the World Unite!