I don’t want to keep being such a whingey baby about this. Winter hasn’t even begun and I know the moratorium on complaining about the weather must have been up weeks ago but it is so freaking cold! Like stupid cold. Eyelashes frozen together boots sticking to the pavement cold. Not that there is any pavement. It’s all covered in ice and snow. Just look at the forecast!
It doesn’t help that my best friend, whom has been living in Edmonton so long she has lost all semblance of perspective, tells me this is nothing. That it’s going to get colder. This barely registers on the coldness scale of Edmontonian deep freeze.
There is no question. I am going to be lucky if I make it till spring. Which, by the way? Doesn’t usually arrive till June.
At least, this is what I thought until after I walked the dog tonight. Pretty sure the end was nigh, I figured I may as well suck it up and toss away all attempts to look cool. After tugging on my itchy purple hat that makes my hair stand on end and donning my overly-large winter coat, I reasoned I may as well dig out the ol’ fleece-lined pants too. Why not? It’s not like I was going to live much longer. May as well go out looking like Ralphie’s little brother in A Christmas Story.
Well. About ten minutes into the walk I realized something strange. I wasn’t frozen. Sure, I couldn’t feel my face but the rest of my body was downright toasty. It made no sense. The temperatures were lower than they were this morning. I shouldn’t feel warmer. The only thing that had changed was the addition of the bulky, tattered fleece-lined pants. Could they really be a game-changer?
I decided to conduct an utterly un-scientific experiment. Fifteen minutes after Shiva and I returned home, just enough time to get cozy, I decided to test my theory by going back outside for another walk.* This time, I didn’t wear my hat or my gigantic coat. That way I would be able to discern whether or not the pants really did have supernatural powers.**
As I trudged to the store two blocks away I noticed several things. 1. Hats really do have a purpose. 2. It’s impossible to look cool with a runny nose. 3. My body, and therefore by extension my limbs, remained reasonably warm. It was a Canadian Winter miracle! My life is saved! I might make it to the thaw after all!
So my Christmas wish list this year is simple. All I want is ten more pairs of fleece-lined pants. in multiple colours. If they come in work-appropriate styles, even better. Size eight, please. You know, just in case you had any extra on hand…
For those who are also dreading the deep freeze, are there any items you swear by to make it through?
*Okay, that’s a lie. I actually went back out because we were out of cat food*** and apparently letting TC starve is worse than facing the frigid wind-chill.
**This is another lie. The real reason is because I didn’t want the people in the store to judge me for my fly-away hair or ill-fitting parka. I’d rather be cold and “stylish” because evidently I am thirty-one going on twelve.
***Of course, I didn’t just get cat food. I didn’t want to look like some sort of crazy cat lady who risks hypothermia to make sure Mr. Whiskers has an emergency supply of crunchies. So I also bought jalapeno cheddar bread and a box of frozen egg rolls. I would have bought candy canes as well (because that would have looked less weird??) but they only had french vanilla flavoured ones and I find that appalling. Why is it so hard to find candy cane flavoured candy canes these days? No wonder the world is falling apart. But I digress.