Rescued Insanity Goes Caroldy

002It doesn’t happen very often. Take a second to enjoy a puppy kiss and you’ll miss it. But once a holiday season, maybe once every other,Β  I will get swept up in the egg nog and the Charlie Brown and the glitter and attempt to re-write a favourite seasonal tune with a canine twist. Now, to say my skills at the parody are limited would be a giant understatement. The declared Queen of Caroldies will always be I Still Want More Puppies. Have you seen her latest? So cute, so appropriate. Anything I attempt looks amateurish in comparison to the master.

But I can’t resist the lure. Every year one song in particular gets lodged in my brain. It isn’t a good song. It isn’t even a good Christmas song. But it is played on the radio ad infinitum and I find myself involuntarily singing it in the shower every morning. It drives everyone around me insane. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with this spectre of a song is to re-work it doggy style.

002So here it is, “Last Christmas”, originally recorded by Wham! – the only true version – and written by George Michael. May my shower belting be less mind-numbing from here on in:

(If it’s too painful for you, I understand if you need to click away.)

Last Christmas
I gave you a toy
But the very next minute, you tore out its guts
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a broken shoe box

Last Christmas
I gave you a blanket
But I turned around and it was peed on
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a chewed up tree branch

Bankrupt and out of joy
I try to find
Something you won’t destroy
Tell me dog
Must you wreck everything?
Well
If it’s been a year
My wallet still feels the sting
“Merry Christmas”
I wrapped your gift and placed it
Cautiously under the tree
It was hard
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you give me those eyes
I know you’ll trick me again

Last Christmas
I gave you a bully stick
But within three seconds you’d swallowed it whole
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you some stale dog food

Last Christmas
I gave you a ball
But all you played was keep away
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a dirty sock

What do you think? Should I make my own music video? It’s bound to go viral, I am sure.

12 thoughts on “Rescued Insanity Goes Caroldy

  1. I LOVE it! Thanks for a much needed smile although I have a feeling I’ll be cursing you shortly when I can’t get the tune out of my head πŸ˜‰

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  2. What are you talking about? You have a hidden talent! I laughed so hard the dogs wondered what was wrong with me…and I’m not an easy mark. And the words matched up nice with the tune as well. Well done, I bow to your talent!

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  3. I’m still laughing! Your version is SOOOO MUCH BETTER than the original! I want to see the video, for sure! Even if you truly can’t sing, your version is still guaranteed to be better than the original cuz WHAM can’t sing either! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go find my Andy Williams’ Christmas Album and play it so I can get your song out of my head! πŸ™‚

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  4. I don’t know the tune so I can’t sing it and truthfully I’m kind of glad because I already have too many ear worms squiggling about in my head. LOL

    Great job Kristine you will give AJ a run for the money!

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