Get to the point, already!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

It’s been a while. More than makes me happy. Instead of dwelling, I should just get to the important stuff. Of course, this is me, so, there is likely a bit of a morass ahead. You might want to duck and cover, or just close your browser window. I won’t take offence.

The main thing: Shiva is well. Mostly. She has a bit of a warty, bulbousy, strange sort of growth thing on the corner of her mouth. I officially noticed it last night, which means I pointed it out to my PH, but if I am honest with myself I first saw something weird a week or so ago while we were camping. Not wanting to worry and not observing any discomfort on the muttski’s part, I didn’t investigate. From a distance it looks like an incisor poking out. Up close it looks much softer and furrier. The PH did some internetting and seemed to think it is some sort of virus that sounded, to me, like the canine equivalent of HPV. This strikes me as funny for some reason. As far as I know, the Sheevs hasn’t been engaging in any unprotected sex. I refuse to angst over it until we get her to a vet.

So, yes, Shiva is as Shiva as ever. Still barking at the neighbours, still chasing magpies, still stealing the covers at night. Why we ever gave in to the pressure of letting her sleep on the bed I’ll never know. And yet, I’d miss her if she wasn’t there. Life with dog, eh?

How am I? This answer is less simple. I know. More navel-gazing. Vomit.

I am reading a lot. I haven’t sped through so many books in so few months high school. It has been fantastic. I even got around to the Harry Potter series, of all things. Naturally, this concerns me. I worry my apparent addiction may have more to do with a drive to escape mundanity than appreciation for literature. If I was reading Proust I could justify it. Tesla biographies and novels featuring characters named Penumbra do not exonerate me. It feels self-indulgent. If I enjoy something, it must be tainted. Like a lagniappe from the Body Shop or Starbucks. If it’s free, only the desperate accept.

A week and a half ago we went on holiday. It was the first full week journey the PH and I (and Shiva) have ever commenced together. It was amazing. We did a lot of this:

BC Sand

And saw a lot of these:

Wild Pacific Trail

It would be easy to brush off the way I am feeling as post-vacation doldrums. Indeed, perhaps that is all it is. Only fitting. As an anticipation junkie, I languish without something to which I can look forward. I don’t know if it’s accurate this round. Then again, I am not prepared to name it anything else either.

Ho hum. And so I carry on, working and walking and whinging.

As far as this blog goes it is hard to me to say. This could be the first post of the rest of my life or it could be the end. I do know I want to put words down but I also know the trappings of the petosphere – as much as I owe them – constrain me. I don’t feel I can go back to the way things were. At the same time, I am reluctant to move on to something else. I have ideas, zillions of them are on the brink of escape one moment and then gazillions more are suffocated by my insecurities the next.

I’d like to try something new, define myself in some other genre. But I don’t want to give this space up either. Rescued Insanity is as much a part of me as Shiva, maybe more. I can’t see letting it fade away. Then again, I don’t want to let it pigeonhole me either.

How to proceed? I don’t have the energy for both. I don’t want to continue doing nothing. Thus I think my thoughts and meander my paths and avoid making any changes because it’s just too daunting.

I guess we shall see. But enough about me. How are you?

15 thoughts on “Get to the point, already!

  1. My sympathies on the blog ambivalence. I’ve been there lately, myself. For me, I realized that turning my inescapable over-thinking onto the poor dog was maybe less than fair. I’ve settled in the blog’s favor, for now, although I have cut back a good bit.

    Let us know what you decide. We’ll be around.

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  2. It’s nice to hear from you 🙂
    You should write whenever you’ll feel so. I’ve found that it’s the best way and not too stressy 🙂

    -Lilli-

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  3. Nice to see you. I hope the thing on Shiva’s mouth turns out to be nothing serious, but it’s always a worry to find something that shouldn’t be there.
    Write when the mood takes you – the worst thing you can do is stress over it. The words will come when you are ready.

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  4. Lovely to see you back, and I hope Shiva and you will be ok. This won’t help you but it is nice to hear that someone else, who seems so in control, confident, knowing struggles too. (that was meant to be nice and encouraging!)

    In relation to feeling pigeon holed by your blog. I come back to Rescued Insanity because I care about you, Shiva and PH. (In a totally normal, none stalker way!) I come back time and again to find out what’s going on with you, and to see how life is treating you. Some of your posts (like your poetry bit) haven’t been my thing, but that’s fine because it is your thing and it is part of what makes you you. I don’t come and visit this blog because it is a dog blog. If you think the time has come to make a move onto other subjects why can’t you move this blog into another direction? Likewise if you feel you want to move onto something else and here isn’t the right spot then follow your gut. And if it takes you to a new blog well then I want the address!

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  5. Whatever will be will be.

    I keep hoping I’ll find my way back to blogging. I miss the connection.

    It’s good to hear from you!

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  6. Number one, how dare you start Harry Potter and keep it a secret?!

    Number two, your blog is not like the dog (or person) it’s written about. It’s there for you when you want it. It won’t whine or cry for attention. And the loyal readers will be happy to see a post whenever it shows up in our inboxes. You be the boss and let it serve your needs, not the other way around.

    (By the way, I tried to post this comment immediately last night by iPhone, and the site thought I was spamming you. 😦 )

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  7. I’ve been having trouble getting around to my blog lately as well. I just spend a lot of time on computers for work, and going home to do so further is just… meh. plus, I’ve been catching up on true bloods on tv (… played on my laptop…), so, you know… clearly I have priorities! Why do you need to only use this space for pet blogging? Why not expand? I know the whole thing about a blog needing a specific purpose, but it’s your blog. Write fiction on it! or post recipes, or… posts that are entirely photographs of flowers and Shiva and The Cat. And, when you do want to, write posts about how Shiva went nuts over a new bench being installed in your usual park, because she’s crazy sometimes.
    Also, reading shouldn’t be about impressing people – it should be about the escape and the enjoyment. If you want more light fantasy, try Mercedes Lackey 🙂 The Black Swan is one of my favourites.

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  8. It’s always nice to get a Shiva update, but I’m write there with you on the dog blogging ambivalence. I seem to have run out of things to say. And I feel guilty about that, somehow, but I think that might just be a silly feeling. I’m also reading a ton, too, and that has been very fulfilling. Hope you find peace and rest, whatever you end up doing!

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  9. I would LOVE to know your reading list. I’ve been flailing about trying to find things to read and coming up short. (At the risk of being kicked off the island… not Harry Potter. I just can’t.) I often find that the pressure to write causes me not to write. Not good since it’s my profession. But there it is. I know I need to write. I don’t have the first word immediately available. I panic. I do something else. Nothing gets written. Then I feel guilty about not writing anything, but then I really can’t think of how to start. Then when I do start, I KNOW it’s not good enough, so I stop, hoping to reset. But then nothing comes. And so on. I know that probably doesn’t help even slightly. But I feel ya’!

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    • Koly had those viral warts when he was young. No joke, the were really gross and I thank woof he outgrew them, because well, barf.

      Now, this may not be the intellectual opinion, but I have a warm place in my heart for pleasure reading – the books you read just to get lost in the story. Never ever feel bad for doing anything that brings you joy, even if it feels silly. Some of my greatest pleasures are genuinely silly.

      Nvel gaze until your heart feels ready to take action, but remember, there is no wrong decision and you’re free to change your mind again and again, until you hit on what makes you furiously happy.

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    • When you have writers block, have you ever tried starting n the middle? I do it all the time when I have a post and I kind of know what it’s about but I don’t know how to begin, I just start in the middle where DO know an go back to the beginning later. Sometimes the beginning makes more sense once the end is written.

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  10. I think I know how you feel. When I started blogging, I started with my own personal blog about being bipolar and childhood abuse to get a feel of blogging before starting the dog blog. When I wanted to add the cats I felt I was taking sacred space from the dogs. So I started a blog just for the cats so they could have their own space. I post when I want, when I feel like it and I love getting away from what I feel are my pressures on the dog blog and talk about the cats or myself. I can go for days or weeks without feeling like I’m going to lose any readers. The atmosphere is more relaxed for me on the cat blog and mine and makes it more fun. For the cat blog, my cat Boxer does the writing which I have found to be a very fun outlet, since I’m way too serious on the dog blog. I like being able to break away and go into another world rather than having everything in the same spot. It works for me.

    Hope Shiva’s bump isn’t too serious and that she will be on the mend soon.

    Take your time with decision or take the leap. There are others out looking for you. 🙂

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  11. I find myself skipping posts frequently as of late. A symptom of other things. I’m reading more, writing more fiction, gaming more, etc. It’s a thing that happens.

    But geeze, just enjoy reading! Not everything HAS to be literature; there’s a delightful time and place for novels with characters named Penumbra, just as there’s a time and place to brag that you’re reading Moby Dick.

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  12. I think Ms Anticipation Junkie needs to plan something to look forward to. I have no suggestions because I’m not an anticipation junkie and starting to work up a good head of panic about sailing off into the sunset next year. Argh!

    But I’m glad you’re enjoying your reading. It’s one of the great pleasures of this world. If you want something that’s fun and witty, have you read Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons? It’s a gem.

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  13. I’ve got to say that I am a little offended that you say you dont have something to look forward to. You know that I am also an anticipation junkie, and I KNOW there is something we are both looking forward to!

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