Portland Can Have ‘Em: Keeping Edmonton a Secret

If you have been keeping up with Go Pet Friendly’s Annual Tournament, you’ll have seen that Edmonton was booted during round three. At first, I was pretty bitter about it. Portland, Oregon may seem brilliant with all its craft breweries and its gigantic bookstores and its Voodoo doughnuts, but that doesn’t mean it is pet-friendly. Dogs can’t drink beer or eat doughnuts and I am positive most of them can’t read.

Note the handy poop bag dispenser. This is a National Park that welcomes dogs with open arms. It was stocked even in the winter.

Note the handy poop bag dispenser. This is a National Park that welcomes dogs with open arms. It was stocked even in the winter.

In my opinion, the amount of rain the western U.S. city receives each day should be reason enough to stay away. Walking in a downpour is not fun, no matter how beautiful the riverside park might be. I know this from personal experience. I used to live in Halifax.

Can we go back inside now? Rain sucks.

Can we go back inside now? Rain sucks.

Edmonton has just as many off leash parks as Portland and an even bigger riverside forest, both of which one can enjoy in full sunshine almost 365 days a year. How does that not make it more pet friendly?

I am honestly asking because I am still confused by this.

But, I am not bitter. In fact, now that I have had a few days to gain perspective, I am relieved. Portland can keep its bragging rights. It suits me fine if all of the pet lovers of the world see it as some sort of canine Mecca. It means we will have all of this to ourselves:

Taken at Elk Island National Park, less than 30 minutes away from our home in Edmonton

Taken at Elk Island National Park, less than 30 minutes away from our home in Edmonton

No, looking at it now, I am thrilled Edmonton will remain a secret. I want everyone to keep thinking it is a frozen wasteland where none but the truly brave venture. The fewer people who visit, the more we can enjoy a peaceful hike on a Sunday afternoon, unaccosted by hordes of tourists. Places like Portland and Carmel are so jam-packed full of people during the summer months that Edmonton is almost serene in comparison. For that reason alone, it is a much happier place for Shiva and I. Crowds just give us hives.

We didn't run into a single person on this hike. That makes us happy.

We didn’t run into a single person on this hike. That makes us happy.

Heck, what do I care if people would rather stay on the other side of the border? In Edmonton, our pets are well-cultured. In order to preserve this, it is probably best to keep the riff raff away. They’ll never know just how much fun we Edmontonians can be, never get to experience the spirit of a true Edmonton festival – as Canada’s reigning festival city, we know how to have a good time – and they’ll never know how amazing it is to take in a performance of a symphony orchestra with their dogs by their sides.

We also have a wicked sense of humour*

We also have a wicked sense of humour*

As far as I am concerned, I’d rather avoid the publicity a win in Go Pet Friendly’s contest would bring. Save that for the more common jet-setting locales like Vancouver and Key West. Edmonton prefers to move quietly along, enjoying its diverse food trucks, its beautiful garden paths, and its very own restaurant for dogs.** I like that the employees in my favourite high-quality, regionally-owned pet stores have more than enough time to answer my questions and I never have to wait in line. What a shame it would be if these places were taken over by visitors. How horrifying if the invasion of foreign dogs meant some of the pet friendly spaces were taken away.

The grounds outside Muttart Gardens are beautiful, calm, and pet friendly. I'd like to keep them that way.

The grounds outside Muttart Gardens are beautiful, calm, and pet friendly. I’d like to keep them that way.

Thank you, to those people out there who recognized how pet-loving Canada’s most northern metropolis is. My appreciation for your support in the vote is sincere. You helped us not only beat out West Hollywood and Tuscon, but also Toronto and Montreal. Here in Alberta, we consider that a victory of epic proportions.

But my thanks must go to those who voted for Portland as well. You helped keep Edmonton a lovely secret. Every time I stroll along the river without meeting another dog, I will remember you and be grateful.

Of course, my real gratitude must go to Go Pet Friendly for running such an entertaining tournament. The competition is wicked and I can’t wait to see who ends up the final winner! Make sure to keep voting!

*Thanks for reminding me about this, Back Alley Soapbox! Best prank ever. 

**Thanks, Jessie, for telling me about this place in your comment!

I Need This Cat Bed

One of my favourite blogs these days is the brilliant and irreverent The Dog Snobs. Hilarious, fearless, and utterly without filter, I adore how they never hesitate to write what we are all thinking but are too polite to say out loud. Even when I feel insulted, I end up laughing. They leave no canine trope unanalyzed or unheckled. Even the best dog owners of the world should beware their snark.

That being said, their best feature isn’t their scathing commentary on conformation shows or dog park bullies, what I love is their weekly “WTF Wednesday” which highlights a random pet-related item for purchase. Apparently, I view it as my personal shopping network as more often than not, I fall in love with the things they mock. Such as these magnificent shoes:


That’s right, I said magnificent. I have yet to find out where they are sold but I am determined to have them. Oh yes, they will be mine.

Likewise, when my friend from Tails of Insanity texted me a photo of a cat bed she found while browsing at the mall, her horror blew right over my head. The instant I opened the picture of my phone, I knew I had found my next object of lust.

awesome cat bed

I NEED it. This isn’t even a question. Can’t you just see TC lolling about inside, batting at the pom pom eye sockets and snuggling into the mouse’s nose? I want it almost enough to ignore the fifty dollar price tag.

What is it about animal-related products that makes me coo? Why am I actually considering a paw print tattoo? Shouldn’t I be over this obsession by now?

I liken it to the way other women exclaim over teeny tiny baby shoes. Some female friends of mine can’t help but stop in the infant section of the department store, whether they have children or not, to shriek over the adorableness of corduroy overalls and baby’s first tuxedo. In my case, if I am in the kitchen section and spot a matching cookie jar and salt and pepper set that looks like this?


I am going to squeal.

Is that creepy or weird? Maybe. But I’m okay with that. As long as I get to drink my coffee out of a cat mug.

Mindful Interneting: Sunday Night Reading

It has been a muffled weekend, fitting for the temperatures. I have done more reading than writing. This is how it should be, for now, and perhaps for always. There is much more illumination to be found in the words of others than in the repeated quarrels of my brain. It is hard to use my time usefully, however. There are many distractions: a phone will buzz, a rant-filled article will pop into view, judgements will be argued, dogs will bark and make me forget what it is I set out to do. Despite it all, I have been moved by the words of others during my two-day hibernation. Grateful, I want to share them, with the hope they will touch you too.


“Cemented” is a perfect word. I encased that fear and anxiety and mistrust in a concrete block and froze it there in the center of my dog-sports mind, and every time someone asked if I would be at such-and-such event, I would shake my head sadly. No, I can’t do it. Cerb can’t do it. We’re not capable.”  via Team Unruly

“This is still real life though and sometimes life is messy. Sometimes, change is thrust upon us and everyone, human and canine, just has to adjust.” via Kol’s Notes

“I often wonder what it is about language that works. I often think of how the simplest words are the loveliest words, about how much meaning rhythm carries, about how truth is the thing we crave the most.” via Beth Kephart

“While I do wish we could have normal walks where I am not scanning the horizon for other dogs, suddenly changing direction to avoid a jogger or ducking behind cars in hopes that she won’t notice the approaching cyclist, I’ve become more accepting of where we’re at right now, and where our comfort zone is.” via Rubicon Days

“In other words, the difference between a snapshot of, say, graffiti on a decaying wall, and a great photograph of the same graffiti on the decaying wall, is that in the second instance, you’ll not only see the graffiti, but you’ll get a sense of what the photographer was thinking when s/he shot it.” via Chookooloonks

But every day we continue to learn and teach and try. And she’s such a willing partner in all of this. My little hero…” via Bringing Up Bella

“But the frustrating part is that most people who are afraid of dogs, upon seeing one, proceed to behave exactly in a way that would be interesting or exciting to a dog. It doesn’t help anyone; it doesn’t help them keep dogs away and it doesn’t help dogs learn to ignore some people.”  via Back Alley Soapbox

“The message that I took from this lovely bit of serendipity was the metamorphosis — and indestructibility — of life’s infinite possibilities.” via Will My Dog Hate Me

What has inspired you this wintry weekend?

Train Your Dog Month Challenge – Going with the Flow

Since we have passed the midway point for the Train Your Dog Month Challenge, I thought i  should check in to see how you are doing with your projects. Taught any new tricks? Conquered any fears? Have you even come up with an idea yet? Shiva and I, naturally, have not only perfected all of our goals like rockstars, I have actually moved on to teaching her how to drive the trick.

Right, and The Cat curls up to sleep in my lap every night.


Perhaps what I should teach her is how to look at the stinkin’ camera once in a while! Sheesh!

But that’s okay. Even if we are still attempting to master a simple hold the larger goal is to spend time together and have fun. This is what I repeat over and over again, like n incantation. Sometimes with a smile, sometimes muttered under my breath, sometimes through gritted teeth.

Like many people, I thrive on instant results. The most onerous part of dog training is that some things are easier than others to teach. As every dog is so different, I have to remember to be patient when something is difficult for Shiva that was so easy for another. Dogs are not that different from humans in this respect. All of us learn at a different pace and with our own styles. Though Shiva was able to learn leg weaves within a few days, it doesn’t mean she will be able to learn how to toss a treat in the air or balance a book on her nose. As simple as holding a toy in one’s mouth might be for dogs in our former agility classes, this task may be Shiva’s Waterloo. Even if it isn’t, I have to remember that it might take a long time for her to understand what I am asking and that keeping my frustration in check is a vital part of the process.

My former dog trainer – how I miss her weekly advice – linked to a great article on praise and its necessary place in training. The article focuses on agility but I think it applies to all forms of training, whether working with a fearful dog, playing around with tricks, or in more formal activities like obedience or flyball. I’d love to just re-post the entire piece for you because the whole thing is brilliant and I think it should be required reading for every dog handler. Because that would be cheating, I will just share the final paragraph of EmDogs’ motivating post:

My one and only goal is to have fun with my dogs, and show them a bang-up awesome time.  It’s my decision to play this game.  They’d be just as happy with hikes and Frisbee and swimming and…Their life is so short compared to ours.  When they’re gone, you won’t remember if you Q’d in Grand Prix in January of 2014.  You’ll remember the sweet kisses they gave you every morning.  You’ll remember that look of “this is SO AWESOME, MOM!!” they gave you every time you brought out their favourite toy.  You’ll remember that deep down feeling of joy you get every time you cross the finish line with your best friend.  THOSE are the things that are important.  Take the time to stop and focus on those, and you just might find yourself with an amazingly willing E dog living in your house, too.

This is how I want to live my life with Shiva. Let’s face it, we’re not going to Q anything. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try or that we can’t have a blast in the attempt. This attitude embodies the ideal of how we approach everything with our dogs. We don’t bring them home with the goal of correcting their mistakes or screaming in frustration when they don’t understand our rules, right? Training should be super good times for BOTH parties. If it isn’t, you are doing it wrong.

007That being said, dedicating time to working with your pet every day is troublesome when you feel like you aren’t getting any results. I know all too well the dissatisfaction of achieving something one day and then watching it unravel the next. It is demoralizing when your dog appears to prefer chewing on a stick than learning a new behaviour. However, it is these times when it is most important to shrug your shoulders and go with the flow. The more cheerful you are – and no faking, they can tell – the more likely your dog will choose to join you. Even if you never even get to any actual training that day, if all you have to show for your time is a tired, happy animal who is looking forward to your next play session, that is a huge success.

I only say all this as it is something I need to be reminded of on a regular basis. When I am in the thick of things, annoyed that Shiva keeps running off to chase the cat when I am standing there with clicker and treats in hand, I need to remember to keep it light. Flexibility has been so important. If she would rather run around then the best thing I can do is ditch my training plan and turn it into a running game instead. After a bit of goofing off we might then be able to work on my goal but we may not. That’s what tomorrow is for.


Or maybe it will be for looking at the camera without looking terrified. Baby steps.

All you have to do is read every post in this blog under the “agility” category, to know Shiva wrangling is not as simple as I’d like it to be. When things have been at their most frustrating, it has been most helpful for me to remember to laugh. Even when I feel like crying, even when Shiva has just dove over a fence and ripped through a trial staging area filled with reactive dogs and treats that don’t belong to her, even when she jumps on a table and frightens a score-keeper, forcing a laugh helps me relax and makes it more likely she will come back for more.

It is my goal to keep all this close to my heart as Shiva and I work on our challenges for Train Your Dog Month. Along with my talented co-hosts, I am keeping the focus on building our bond. Something Wagging This Way Comes has had a few surprises this month and the wise Pamela has learned to be flexible with the beautiful Honey and Alfie at Alfie’s Blog has hit the books and gotten the hang of the platform spin. It’s a good thing this isn’t a competition or we’d be in trouble! I hope you also have been having an amazing time with your pets, whatever your goals may be, and that at the end of the thirty one days, you’ll have made some awesome memories.

Train Your Dog Month

If you are still looking for ideas, I have put some links together below of my favourite Youtube channels.  Even if you aren’t participating in the challenge, I encourage you to check them out. The enthusiasm and joy of the trainers is only matched by those of their dogs. It is always a dazzling thing to watch.

Kikopup – If you haven’t learned from her patience yet, you are missing out.

My Favourite Pup Jasmine – There is a brilliant mind underneath that soft fur, I believe this adorable Havanese also has a blog of her own.

Nana Border Collie – Nana isn’t the only one showing off her stuff. Her feline and rodent siblings also get in on the fun!

Success Just Clicks – Tena is a thoughtful and spirited trainer. The connection she has with her dogs is more than inspiring. Her blog is also worth a subscription.

Zak George’s Dog Training rEvolution – You are probably tired of hearing about him but I love this guy and will link to his videos every chance I get.

So. Are you in yet? There is still time! Join the Train Your Dog Month Challenge along with my co-hosts at Something Wagging This Way Comes and Alfie’s Blog. Set a small goal to work on with your pet and check back in at the end of the month to share your success. Every eligible person who enters by sharing their challenge in the comments on the January 31, 2014 post or the link list will get a chance to win a donation to their favourite animal charity and a special treat for themselves and their dogs. But, obviously, the real prize will be improving your relationship with your furry friend. You can’t lose!

Pet Blogger’s Gift Exchange – NEPA Pets, Pet Expert of the Northeast

Pet-Bloggers-Gift-Exchange-graphicWhen I found out who my match was for the Pet Blogger’s Gift Exchange I was almost more pumped than last year  – if such an emotion is possible. Not because the author is my close friend or because it is a website I frequent often, more because of the exact opposite. Obviously I knew of NEPA Pets and I have been following the blog’s Twitterfeed for some time, I’ve even had the honour of conversing with the accomplished writer via Facebook, but she isn’t someone I have been lucky enough to get to know on a personal level. The website itself, while a fantastic resource for pet lovers in Northeastern Pennsylvania and elsewhere, never found it’s way into my regular rotation. Which is a shame. Nonetheless it excited me as I had a whole new blog to explore! And who doesn’t love that?

Nepa Pets

First off, I have to say that the human mind behind NEPA Pets is brilliant and hilarious. I mean, just look at this first line from her about page:

“Oh, NEPA is a magical place, where unicorns slide down rainbows while glitter rains down from cotton candy clouds.”

Right away I knew this was someone I had to uncover.

Second to that, her pets are gorgeous. I could just look at her cat, Omar, all day long. As soon as I saw his portrait on her Facebook cover photo, I was in serious love.

Nepa Pets

From the adorable pawprint logo – seriously, I would wallpaper my house in pawprints if I knew my landlord wouldn’t have a conniption – to the funny and insightful “You Know You’re a Pet Parent When…” feature there is so much to which I can relate. Then, when I found out she is owned by Jack Russell Terriers? Better yet, a JRT named Havoc? That’s when I was hooked for life. I fully intend on pestering the heck out of her when I finally get my own convince my PH that a JRT would be the perfect addition to our wee family.

Somehow this writer has time to not only care for four dogs, six cats, four birds, two Guinea pigs, one ferret AND one rabbit, but also to, I assume, feed herself, go to work, and publish a popular blog providing useful information to her local pet community. Yeah, did you get all that? I did the math. It doesn’t add up. Remember, she lives with Jack-off-the-wall Russell Terriers, plus all of these other critters who need attention every day. This woman is a force and should be taken very, very seriously.


I am certain she wakes up with much more energy than the rest of us. She clicker-trained her rabbit, for crying out loud! If that doesn’t say infinite patience, nothing does. Heck, she and Glee have come a lot further with the retrieve than Shiva and I.

One of the things I admire the most is how NEPA Pets has established itself as a pet expert within the local area. It was one of the things I longed to do when I lived in Halifax but was prevented due to laziness and a job in the local hotbed of animal welfare. I wasn’t able to push myself forward due to professional conflicts and it is something I felt lacking about my website. NEPA Pets, on the other hand, has been able to fit right into that niche, contributing greatly to the local pet culture. For instance, I love the fact she has set up a whole Facebook group for owners in her region. What an incredible way for people to connect!

Of course, as the writer herself says, within the blog there is something for every pet lover, regardless of address. “NEPA Pets is a community where all pet people (and by all pet people we are talking about dog people, cat people, ferret people, parrot people, etc) can learn, love and share about the animals they love as well as help make a difference for those homeless pets in NEPA.”

soyouthinkyouwantaparrot2_thumbAnd it’s true. While perusing over her 2013 posts, I was able to learn quite a bit about pet care. One of my favourites, which I have marked in case the worst happens, was her post on how to handle a skunking. It is something every dog owner who lives near a forest fears. I am stunned it hasn’t happened with the Shivster. Yet. Or how about this helpful article on treating fur mites in rabbits? I also recall this terrific and informative post on parrot ownership that I wish more people would read before taking home their tropical friend. Her sharp wit and knowledgeable perspective would go a long way to changing a lot of minds. It should be standard reading in every pet store.

There are a lot of reasons to check out NEPA Pets. I have been attempting to capture it all on a single Pinterest board but it hasn’t come anywhere near doing the website justice. I recommend you just check out the real deal to appreciate the author’s wisdom and acerbic style. There is no way I could cover it all in one post. Seriously, a woman who finds the time to look this good after caring for so many fascinating animals while also contemplating a wicked assortment of DIY projects? This is someone who needs to be in your feed reader. Yesterday.

A special thanks goes to Something Wagging This Way Comes for giving me the push I needed to check out such an important website. I am a better person for it and I hope I have deserved the ultra kind post she wrote for me. If you are interested in learning about the other participating blogs, make sure to click on the links below. We could all use more pet related reading material, right?

5 Jobs I Have Had

OHIA - 31 Lists

Like the “rebel rebel” I am, I am backtracking even more on the 31 Lists in 31 Days thing, all the way back to numero duo. I am determined to get to every single item on the list. I am especially looking to number 19: strange things I have seen people do in public. As a long-time public transit user, I could fill a book on that one topic alone. Knowing my laziness, it might be 2017 before I get to the last subject, which is supposed to be my goals for 2014. Meh. My blog, my rules.

5 Jobs I have Had

JobsThough I have taken Ms. Dooce’s rules to heart, I figure I haven’t worked any of the below jobs in at least six or seven years so I am probably safe from eternal damnation. Heck, most of them are so random I’ve never even bothered to put them on a resume.

1. Barney’s Body Guard – You remember the big purple dinosaur, right? If you are too young to know who I am talking about then I don’t care if you understand. This was more of a volunteer job than actual employment but the experience was so traumatizing that I am including it here. You may not think a character from children’s television would need protection. You would be wrong. Until you have been mauled by over two dozen obsessed toddlers all at the same time, I don’t think you will ever understand what I went through that night. I am still not ready to talk about it.

2. Fish Fry Cook – This wasn’t technically my job either. I worked as a server in a seafood restaurant for four years while I attended university. One dull night we thought it would be fun to switch roles for a few hours. The cooks put on aprons and worked the front of house and the – mostly female – servers attempted to work in the kitchen. It wasn’t pretty. I still haven’t rid the smell of tartar sauce from my skin.

3. Ice Cream Scooper – After university I fell upon the harsh realization that the world wouldn’t just hand me my dream job because I had a shiny new degree. So I drank. But in order to afford the booze I worked two jobs, one was scooping ice cream at a kiosk in a local park. It wasn’t nearly as exciting as it sounds as it was also the rainiest summer my dry prairie city had ever seen. Mostly I just pigged out on chocolate bars and read escape literature.

4. Banquet Server – As much as it sucked to work until four in the morning every Saturday night serving holiday parties and fundraising galas this was actually one of the best jobs I have ever had. The hotel was awful. The management was useless. I attribute my hatred of the Wedding Industrial Complex to this period of my life. And yet it was also the best group of people with whom I have ever worked. When one is up until all hours of the night appeasing drunks and rolling cutlery, only to get up three hours later in order to serve the hoity-toity Sunday brunch crowd, something amazing happens. It bonds you to your co-workers like no other job you have ever had. It’s also where I met my PH.

5. Weight-loss Counsellor – I lasted at this position all of four days. It surprises me I lasted that long. In less than half a day I realized it was a lot less about helping people and a lot more about selling snake oil I signed a contract, however, that prevented me from sharing all of their evil secrets. Thankfully the company I worked for is long since out of business. One day I might write more about my opinions on the diet industry. The problem is, once I get started, I may not stop.

Oh, the tales I could tell. Since I can only list five, instead of going on about the job that made me quit the corporate world for good or the job that made me swear off glucosamine, I thought I would instead share a super bonus list! Aren’t you lucky?


5 Jobs I Wish I’d Had

1. Juror – I know, no one wants jury duty. Except me. Perhaps I just read too many John Grisham novels as a teenager but I always thought the experience would be fascinating. If nothing else, it would be something new. Unfortunately, I am sure wanting jury duty means that I would never be selected.

2. Radio Disc Jockey – When I was younger I was the biggest music snob in the world. I am talking, unless it was written two hundred years ago by a white man with a European name, I wasn’t interested. Regardless, I still listened to a wide variety of music and learned to find the genius in even the most popular of tunes. What always bugged me, though, was repetition. I hated how every radio station played the same one hundred songs over and over and over again. At the age of sixteen I decided that one day I would start my own station and I would never play the same piece twice. I would play everything: opera, rock, country, R&B, baroque, hip hop, even pop. But my listeners would never know what to expect next. It would be amazing, I thought. Of course, now that I am older I realize no one is going to listen to a station that plays Fidelio one moment and then AC/DC the next. Except me.

3. Chocolatier This was a job for which I actually applied once. It was Bernard Callebaut in Calgary, Alberta. I thought it would be fun. I secretly hoped for samples. Unfortunately, the hiring manager was a bit of a cow and probably expected me to quit after a day or two. No doubt she was right but I still wish I’d been given a chance.

4. Letter carrier – This is a job that is getting phased out but I always thought it would be awesome to get to walk around outside all day, every day with nothing more to worry about than getting a postal code mixed up. I would have been in amazing shape. I’d even deal with the frigid temperatures. Tragically, they were almost never hiring and it wasn’t meant to be.

5. Lounge singer – Okay, this is total fantasy land but I’ve always thought it would be awesome for one night to be one of those airport lounge entertainers. Just for fun. With no one in the audience but a few intoxicated flight attendants and a man who missed the last flight to Los Angeles. One day…

How about you? Any weird jobs you’ve performed? Any jobs you feel you missed?

Rescued Insanity Goes Caroldy

002It doesn’t happen very often. Take a second to enjoy a puppy kiss and you’ll miss it. But once a holiday season, maybe once every other,  I will get swept up in the egg nog and the Charlie Brown and the glitter and attempt to re-write a favourite seasonal tune with a canine twist. Now, to say my skills at the parody are limited would be a giant understatement. The declared Queen of Caroldies will always be I Still Want More Puppies. Have you seen her latest? So cute, so appropriate. Anything I attempt looks amateurish in comparison to the master.

But I can’t resist the lure. Every year one song in particular gets lodged in my brain. It isn’t a good song. It isn’t even a good Christmas song. But it is played on the radio ad infinitum and I find myself involuntarily singing it in the shower every morning. It drives everyone around me insane. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with this spectre of a song is to re-work it doggy style.

002So here it is, “Last Christmas”, originally recorded by Wham! – the only true version – and written by George Michael. May my shower belting be less mind-numbing from here on in:

(If it’s too painful for you, I understand if you need to click away.)

Last Christmas
I gave you a toy
But the very next minute, you tore out its guts
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a broken shoe box

Last Christmas
I gave you a blanket
But I turned around and it was peed on
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a chewed up tree branch

Bankrupt and out of joy
I try to find
Something you won’t destroy
Tell me dog
Must you wreck everything?
If it’s been a year
My wallet still feels the sting
“Merry Christmas”
I wrapped your gift and placed it
Cautiously under the tree
It was hard
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you give me those eyes
I know you’ll trick me again

Last Christmas
I gave you a bully stick
But within three seconds you’d swallowed it whole
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you some stale dog food

Last Christmas
I gave you a ball
But all you played was keep away
This time
To save me a dime
I’ll give you a dirty sock

What do you think? Should I make my own music video? It’s bound to go viral, I am sure.